Then this . . .

Our priest, Kate, has taken N under her wing. A couple of months ago, she came up with the idea of letting him be a junior acolyte, in training. Anyone who doesn't get the whole ADHD thing might think, how could he possibly sustain the focus to do something like that and make it through the entire liturgy? Anyone who really does get ADHD knows this is perfect for him. Something about having that special job, getting to wear the robe and cross, helping Kate and the adult acolytes, and all the adult attention he gets while doing it, puts him in that hyperfocus mode that kids with ADHD, paradoxically, can slip into. In novel, special situations like this, he really shines. And I mean that. The first Sunday he served, I looked at him and thought, My God! He looks just like an angel. He was beaming with pride the entire service. I was holding back tears, so proud of him at that moment and more than that, so happy to see him so proud, so proud of being successful at this important "job." He doesn't serve every Sunday. If he did, the new would wear off and before long, it wouldn't work anymore, but once a month or so is just about perfect.

Will all of this end up meaning anything in his life? I have faith that it will. He doesn't know a darn thing about the Bible, has told me on several occasions he doesn't even believe this or that about God and creation, and certainly doesn't believe Jesus rose from the dead. The very idea is ridiculous to him. But on a deeper, nonverbal level, I have to think it all means something. When I would hold him at bedtime and talk about his baptism, when we lit his baptismal candle the night he was so depressed and just watched the flame, when he prays at mealtimes and mentions Jesus (though, again, I don't know how much of any of it he gets), it seems to matter. I hope it matters. I knew a long time ago that my kids, all of my kids, would need something much bigger than me, at some point in their lives. I hope all this churchoing and praying ends up comforting and encouraging them when they need it. I'm doing my best, anyway, the best I know to do.

Doesn't he look like an angel, though?